Saturday, May 19, 2012


Love... What does love look like? What is sacrifice? What is the cost of love? What are you willing to do or give up in order to love someone? "Anything for family "... But what about that stranger over there?... What does it mean to die to self? "I'm just a little woman dying in the dirt." says Heidi Baker, a woman who has spent her life loving the poor around the world. Dying in the dirt. I love the dirt. And I love being with the poorest of the poor, the smelly, the homeless, the abandoned, the lost. I love to sit in the dirt and play with a child. To let go of stereotypes and modern day comforts and just love. At times it may be hard, but I love to die in the dirt. There is pretty much nothing I'd rather do. But right now, I'm not in the dirt. Right now I'm in America,,, "The land of opportunity"... I'm well dressed, well fed, and working in retail. I sell overpriced clothing and credit cards to people who really don't need either. And I hate it. Come on, where is my dirt?! And then it hit me...right now I am not a little woman dying in the dirt, I am a little woman dying in the city. To be more exact, I am a little woman dying in the mall. It is not a sacrifice for me to be at the ends of the earth and loving on people there... But it is a sacrifice for me to love the poor person standing on the other side of my cash register... Poor in spirit is still poor, my darling. How do I expect to love the person in the dirt if I can't love the one in the mall? Does my love have limits? Are some people better than others? More important? Instead of being too poor, are they just too rich? Too rude? Too... Western? How do I even love them? I have no clue. I thought I knew how to love (how pompous is that?!) but I was wrong. How did Jesus do it? How did He love both the Samaritan woman and the rich young ruler with the same passion? And how do I then follow suite?... I suppose that to truly love, you must know true Love. To know God is to know Love. God is Love. He is the definition. To know how to love, I must know what love truly is... I must be closer, more intimate, more familiar with who He is... And then out of that, I shall love better, fuller, richer, deeper. The more time I spend around Him, the more loving I believe I shall become. I have come to this conclusion from the mere fact that when I am around nice people, I tend to be nicer. When I am around mean people (consistently), I tend to be meaner. It rubs off on you. So if I want to become a more loving person, I must be around Love. And I must die. A seed must die for a tree to grow. So here I am, dying in the mall... so I may be called an oak of righteousness

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Behold, He makes all things new

... Tonight I wrestle with faith over reality. Tonight I'm reminded of a story that I read a year ago. In this story these men were praying for water to turn into wine. As the first man drank from the cup,he still tasted water but in faith he only remarked on what great wine it was. Then the second man tried it and said the same. The third man then tasted from the cup and said it was the best wine. So then the three men took the wine to the head pastor to try. The first man wondered what would happen as the pastor tasted it, but to his relief and surprise the pastor said it was great wine... For the water had turned to wine. Once the three men had left, the first asked the others if they had tasted wine when they tried it before, and both men said no... But that they believed in faith that it was wine even if it tasted like water*... Tonight I taste water... But I'm calling it wine. Why? Because faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. It can be scary though as I take this step. I wrestle. But He says He has it all under control.. And I choose to trust Him. It's not water, it's wine. Behold, He makes all things new. *the full story can be found in the book,"Like a Mighty Wind"... And yes, it's a true story and told way better than what I just did.

Monday, January 23, 2012


Did you know that a butterfly's chrysalis is made from it's body?...the caterpillar's body hardens forming the chrysalis that the glorious butterfly breaks free from. It's true. A month ago, a friend asked me to paint an old window for her. This window would then (hopefully) be sold and the proceeds would go to help women get out of the red light district in Amsterdam. There were only two guidelines: 1. I had to paint the frame red. 2. It had to be based on freedom, whatever that looks like to me. As I thought of what freedom meant to myself and to these women, I thought of the butterfly breaking free from a prison made from it's own body... Just like these women are daily within a prison made from their own bodies as well... I have seen these women before... I walked past them in Amsterdam. I saw the rows of windows with women standing, waiting for their next customer. And as I walked, I wondered what they were thinking? I wondered how long they had been there and how long their days must be... I wondered how they would get out... A Caterpiller hardens into a chrysalis after only two weeks from being hatched... Two weeks... How old were these women? Were they born into it? Sold? Forced?...forced by people,poverty,hopelessness?... And when,if ever,will they get out?...and how?... It breaks my heart...and something has to be done. I am so proud of my dear friend for going there. For spending her life loving these beautiful women. For bringing the opportunity of freedom... For bringing hope...for bringing them true, pure love. She is the hands and feet of Jesus... She is His heart to a dying world. Some are called to go, some are called to pray,some are called to paint, some are called to send others- paying their way to go... But we are all called to love "We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less without that drop"-Mother Teresa

Thursday, January 12, 2012

And so it begins...

... The other night I sat with my daddy on the couch. Family and friends milled about us, making sushi and having a lovely time, as he and I discussed dreams. All of my life I have had dreams ranging from prophetic to terrifying, so as a friend mentioned being afraid because they have both good and bad dreams of traveling, I shared a simple trick I have learned through the years to know for myself if a dream is to warn me (from the Lord) or to stop me in my calling (from the enemy). If I feel terrified or afraid in my dream, it's usually not from God. He is love, and perfect love casts out fear. So if He is speaking to me or warning me, why Would I feel afraid of the situation around me? I can feel heaviness. I have felt the darkness or danger He was warning of, but never terror. If you do, I would dismiss it as a distraction. Don't let the enemy steal your destiny. Pray for protection and wisdom and break off that fear. And if there is no fear and you feel significance, write it down and take it before the Lord. He is a loving Daddy. Ask Him for the secrets of His heart. Ask Him for wisdom and direction. He will help you understand... As I shared my thoughts, my daddy told me that I needed to start blogging...I told him I didn't know what to write... So He told me to just write... Write about the past, write about my day... Just write. So here I am. I am not claiming to be wise. I am not claiming to be funny or entertaining. I am just going to be me, sharing with you my simple life. Why? Because my daddy asked me to..